Investing in good mental habits as a mom (and human being) will ensure a prosperous and happy life. But maybe you don’t know how to let go and be happy. Behavioral psychologist Barbara Fredrickson found that if people feel joy, contentment, or love, they see a lot more possibilities for their life.
You might have thought. What are good ways to live a happy and healthy life and how do you let go and be happy when so many things stress us out?
What Is Happiness In Life?
I always think of freedom as associated with being happy. A person surrendering isn’t giving up control of something. People who always look for a solution seem to think they are doing things wrong.
Surrender is an attractive soft space that accepts us. That allows the lives to unfold and be what they were, regardless of your agendas, expectations, and opinions. This arms-opening energy is deeprooted in confidence which can be challenging when parenting.
As a mom, we sometimes feel like we’re not doing enough or that we’re just not good enough. We put our own needs last and tend to forget to take care of ourselves. But it’s time to let go and be happy!
Here are 11 ways to do just that.
- Let go of high expectations and find peace in just being a mom.
- Let go of your make mistakes to learn from them.
- Let go of comparing yourself to other moms.
- Let go of identifying with your negative thoughts.
- Let go of the people who judge or criticize you.
- Let go of the need to be perfect and accept that you are good enough just as you are.
- Let go of the fear of not fitting in.
- Let go of the perfect motherhood image.
- Let go of complexity, keep only what aligns with your values.
- Let go of the idea that you cant ask for help.
- Let go of unrealistic goals.
#1 Let Go Of High Expectations And Find Peace In Being A Mom.
When it comes to our expectations, we often think that we need to have high standards to be happy. But this isn’t the case! In fact, high expectations are often a sign of low self esteem.
Lowering your expectations can lead to a better quality of life and help you start living. There is an old saying that goes “One joy scatters a hundred griefs” so don’t focus on the complaining and what you did wrong, and accept your humanity as is.
The things that appear completely within our control, aren’t. We fall under the spell of these high expectations and they become automatic, unnoticed, and powerful. We don’t realize the damage they do.
Find peace during hard moments (because you are not alone)
When times get tough, it’s human nature to hang on harder to what’s familiar, even if it’s something that’s not serving us long-term. This can lead us away from our truth. Happiness feels hard to achieve at this time, but you will discover that it is always at a hand’s reach with the right perspective.
As moms, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect in life, and this can lead to a lot of stress and unhappiness. A huge part of this is that we are often out of our comfort zone.
Parenting feels hard no matter who you are, but if you lean into the discomfort you will discover that you are a more resilient person than you thought!
So try to let go of the need to be perfect and accept that you are good enough just as you are. So let things happen naturally and stop worrying!
3 reasons why lowering your standards isn’t necessarily bad
- Less pressure – You’ll be less stressed and happier if you don’t put so much pressure on yourself
- Stop comparing – You’ll stop comparing yourself to other moms who seem to have it all together and this will lead to less worry over other people’s opinions.
- Feel more grace – You’ll be more likely to take care of yourself if you stop acting guilty about it – this includes getting enough sleep, exercise, and relaxation.
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#2 Let Go Of Your Negative Energy And Focus On Good Things
We all have moments where we take on that victim mentality and criticize ourselves for not being good enough. As moms, self pity can stop us from moving forward and being in the present moment. We feel like we’re not doing enough or that we’re not good enough.
This ultimately ruins our self image as mothers. In order to move forward, we need to let go of self-pity and be more accepting of ourselves.
We need to focus on the positive aspects of motherhood and our own individual journey as a mom. When we are able to do this, we can begin to see ourselves in a more positive light and appreciate the moments we have with our children more.
We are our worst critic!
It is easy to criticize myself when I feel like I’m not meeting everyone’s needs, but I have to remember that I am doing the best that I can. Personally, I need to remind myself daily that my own happiness is not based on external factors.
When things are going wrong, it is easy to think that it is my fault and that I could have done better in my current situation. But the words I tell myself matter, and are a great example of how we make ourselves feel inferior.
I have to remember that I am only human and that I cannot control everything. Life is a journey, and there will be ups and downs along the way. The important thing is to learn from my mistakes and to keep moving forward.
3 tips on how to help yourself be more self-compassionate:
- Awareness – Acknowledge your mindset and be gentle with yourself.
- Be your best friend – Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who is struggling.
- Journaling – Write out your thoughts in a journal. Create a safe space
#3 Let Go Of Comparing Yourself To Other Moms.
We have all been there. Scrolling through social media and seeing pictures of other moms who seem to have it all together. We look at our own lives and feel like we are falling short. We compare ourselves to other mothers and feel like we can never measure up.
But it is important to remember that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. The mother who seems to have it all together might be struggling in ways that you are not. And vice versa. So instead of comparing ourselves to others, let’s focus on being the best mothers we can be.
Happiness comes from within, not from what others think of us. So let’s be confident in ourselves and our abilities. And most importantly, let’s show our children that happiness comes a from acceptance.
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What If I am stuck in self pity?
It’s time to change your belief system. It’s one of the easiest pieces of advice to give and the hardest one to follow. But it’s also the best way to feel better about your own life as a mom.
Stop making excuses for when bad things happen. It might seem others are happier than you but why? The truth is they are probably struggling the same. When you stop comparing, you stop measuring yourself against an impossible standard.
Stop holding yourself up to an unrealistic ideal and start seeing yourself for who you really are: a good mom who is doing her best. And that’s something to be proud of.
3 tips to help you stop playing the comparison game:
- Recognize when you’re doing it – The first step is recognizing when you’re comparing yourself to other moms. Once you’re aware of the habit, you can start to work on stopping it.
- Acknowledge your thoughts – When you do find yourself with Comparison Syndrome, take a minute to acknowledge your thoughts. Don’t try to push them away or ignore them.
- Talk to someone about it – Sharing your day with someone can be helpful. It can also be a great way to get some feedback and perspective. Talking to another mom can be especially helpful since she understands what you’re going through.
#4 Let Go Of Identifying With Your Negative Thoughts.
It is so easy to get caught up in negative thinking. We dwell on what went wrong, or what could have been better. We ruminate on mistakes and berate ourselves for not being good enough.
This negative self-talk can become a destructive force in our lives, leading to feelings of depression and inadequacy. It can be hard to realize that we are in this mindspace, realizing it only once we feel better.
However, it is possible to break free from this negative mindset. By learning to let go of our negative thoughts, we can start to appreciate the little things in life and find joy in everyday experiences.
When we stop identifying with our negative thoughts, we open up a world of possibilities and potential. So let go of those negative thoughts today and start living a life that is filled with joy and possibility.
When motherhood and negative self-talk collide
As a mom, it’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk. When we see mainstream parenting advice that doesn’t seem to fit our own style or philosophy, it’s natural to question ourselves and wonder if we’re doing something wrong.
Instead, replace those thoughts with compassionate ones. “What if mainstream parenting doesn’t work for all?” “What if being miserable isn’t worth it?”
These compassionate questions can help us remember that there is no one right way to parent, and that we are each doing our best. When we can let go of the perfectionism and self-doubt, we can find more joy in parenting.
3 tips for getting rid of negative self-talk
- Identify- the thoughts or phrases that are causing you to feel negative about yourself.
- Challenge- those thoughts by asking yourself whether they are true or not.
- Replace- the negative thoughts with more positive ones.
#5 Let Go Of The People Who Judge Or Criticize You.
No one likes to be judged or criticized, especially by someone who is supposed to be a friend. Unfortunately, sometimes people let their own insecurities get in the way and take out their frustration on those around them.
If you have a friend who is constantly putting you down and making you feel bad, it may be time to let that person go. These are toxic people and not worth your time.
It’s important to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and who support your goals and dreams.
Life is too short to waste time with people who don’t appreciate you for who you are. So, if someone is constantly criticizing you, don’t hesitate to let that person go. After all, you deserve to be happy!
Being a mom is hard and it takes a lot out of you. You might be feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or just unfulfilled with your life.
We all know that raising kids is not easy, but moms are often too busy to take care of themselves. This checklist will help you identify the warning signs and symptoms so you can prevent burnout from happening in the first place!
Get this free printable checklist today to make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself!
My best mom friend always reminds be to love myself
I have a best mom friend and I don’t know what I’d do without her. Every time I feel like I am failing as a mom, I remind myself that she would disagree wholeheartedly.
She is always there for me when I need to talk, whether it’s about my kids or just life in general. She has never once judged me or made me feel like I’m not good enough.
I know that if I ever need advice, she will give it to me honestly and without criticism so grateful to have her in my life and I hope for everyone to find a mom friend like her.
How to find a mom friend who makes your life better:
- Look for mom groups – There are likely to be mom groups in your area, or even online. These are great places to find like-minded moms who want to connect and chat.
- Be honest with yourself – Not all well-meaning moms are a good fit. Focus on those who have similar parenting personalities like you and let go of those who don’t.
- Have an open mind – Don’t be afraid to reach out to moms that you don’t know very well. They might surprise you and be a great listening ear!
#6 Let Go Of The Need To Be Perfect (And Accept That You Are Good Enough Just As You Are).
We live in a culture that is obsessed with perfection. We are constantly bombarded with images of perfect families, perfect bodies, and perfect homes. It’s no wonder that so many of us strive for perfection in our own lives.
However, the quest for perfection is often an elusive one. Life is messy, and kids are messy, and that is okay. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, and don’t be afraid to let your kids make mistakes. It’s all part of learning and growing.
So relax, enjoy the ride, and don’t strive for perfection. It’s not worth sacrificing a happy life for. You are good enough, just as you are.
For many of us, the quest for perfection is something that stems from a deep-seated fear of things going wrong. We become fixated on the idea of a flawless life because we’re afraid of what might happen if we let go of that ideal.
However, the truth is that things going wrong is a natural and inevitable part of life. If we can learn to accept this fact, it becomes much easier to let go of our need for perfection.
Instead of striving for an impossible standard, we can focus on enjoying the journey, imperfections and all. Life is much more rewarding when we allow ourselves to embrace its inherent messiness.
3 tips for letting go of perfection as a mom:
- Define your beliefs – Are you holding on to limiting beliefs that are not serving you. Let them go.
- Accept your imperfections – We are all imperfect and that is okay. No person can do it all, although people fantasize about what it would be like. Don’t let imperfections stop you from creating the last you want.
- Talk to someone about it – Sharing about things that happened, with someone can be really helpful. It can also be a great way to get some feedback and perspective.
#7 Let Go Of The Fear Of Not Fitting In And Just Be Your Authentic Self.
Being a mom is hard enough without also having to conform to societal expectations. We all want our children to be happy and to lead happy lives, but sometimes that means going against what others expect of us.
If we express our authentic selves, we may not fit in with other moms. We may be judged for our parenting choices or for the way we look or dress.
But it’s important to remember that our children are watching us and learning from us. They need to see us being true to ourselves, even if it means not fitting in with the rest of the world.
Authenticity is one of the most important lessons we can teach our children. It shows them that it’s okay to be different and that they don’t need to conform to societal norms.
You need to find your tribe
Sometimes I feel like I am the only one struggling with certain aspects of parenting. I think I am alone in my decision to breastfeed or co-sleep, but in reality I know that there are other moms out there who are just like me.
It can be helpful to find your tribe – a group of moms who share your parenting values and choices. This can provide much-needed support and companionship during the tough times.
There are many ways to find your tribe, including online forums, local meetups, and even social media groups. I found my best mom friend at the playground.
So if you ever feel like you are struggling alone, remember that there are other moms out there who understand what you are going through. All you have to do is find them.
3 tips for expressing your authentic self:
- Figure out what your values are – when you know the things that are important to you, making decisions will come easier.
- Does it feel like freedom? – If what you are doing makes you feel constrained, you are not doing the right thing.
- Clear your schedule – if your mental load is through the roof, stop doing all the things you think you have to to give yourself more space to just be YOU.
#8 Let Go Of The Perfect Motherhood Image.
Motherhood is a roller coaster of emotions. Some days, you feel like you can conquer the world. You’re filled with energy and patience, and you feel like you can do anything. Other days, you just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world and everything is simply wrong.
You’re tired and cranky, and everything feels like it’s too much effort. motherhood is full of ups and downs, but the love you have for your family and friends always keeps those same feelings at bay.
Motherhood is a beautiful thing, and even on the toughest days, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. motherhood is filled with love, laughter, and happiness, and that’s what makes it all worth it.
Congratulations you are human
I have been practicing yoga for many years, and it has always been a mantra of mine that the image of perfect is not the goal. Instead, if we can embrace ourselves with compassion, the word perfection becomes irrelevant.
My yoga instructor on the Peloton always reminds me of this mantra and it has helped me stay present during my practice. When I fall out of a pose or make a mistake, she always says, “Oh you fell down? Congratulations! You are officially human!”
This mantra has helped me to see the beauty in imperfection and to find compassion for myself and others. As a result, I believe that mantra is one of the most important things we can practice on our yoga mats.
3 tips for being more compassionate with yourself
- Journaling – writing in a journal when you are feeling guilty is a great way to sort through your feelings and allow them to sit with you.
- Give yourself time to recharge – I know, so hard! But allowing yourself well deserved rest & relaxation can do wonders for your mental health!
- Practice being present – They say anxiety stems from worrying about the future, and depression stems from thinking of the past. Practice being present a few times throughout the day. Focus on the sounds you hear in the room and look for things that confirm you are safe. Being present helps us be more compassionate.
#9 Let Go Of Complexity, Keep Only What Aligns With Your Values.
We all have too much stuff. Our homes are crammed full of clothes we never wear, books we’ve read once and will never read again, and trinkets that serve no purpose other than collecting dust.
This clutter can weigh us down both physically and emotionally, making it difficult to focus on what’s truly important. Having too many things can take us away from having a happy life.
One way to combat this problem is to adopt the mantra “less is more.” instead of buying new things, try to declutter your home and get rid of items you no longer need or use. Think about your true nature and keep only the things you use.
You may be surprised at how liberating it feels to live with less stuff. When you’re not constantly surrounded by clutter, it’s easier to relax and focus on the present instead of the past.
Are You Feeling Stuck In Your Self Care Journey?
Download this list of 60 Self Care Ideas for Moms to help you start a happier life today!
What are your values?
When it comes to making decisions in life, it’s important to know what your values are. Values are the things that are important to you and that guide your behavior.
Once you know your values, you can use them to make decisions about how you want to live your life. If you’re ever asked to do something that doesn’t align with your values, you can choose to decline. This will simplify your life and make you happier as a person.
3 tips for simplifying your life
- Declutter a space in your home – choose a space where you spend a lot of time and truly declutter it. When you sit there to relax it should make you happy, not stressed
- Ask yourself if an activity sparks joy – if it doesn’t, stop doing it. It might feel unreasonable at first, but you’ll thank me later.
- Create boundaries for yourself – say no to things that don’t serve you, and yes to the things that do. This includes saying no to social obligations and yes to taking time for yourself.
#10 Let Go Of The Idea That You Can’t Ask For Help.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a mom is that it’s okay to ask for help. I also have realized how hard it can be at times to do just that.
I used to think that I had to do everything by myself, but I quickly realized that was unrealistic and unfair to both myself and my family. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak; on the contrary, it shows that you are strong enough to admit when you need assistance.
It can be difficult to let go of the reins, but doing so will allow you to create a more supportive and well-rounded parenting team. So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to your partner, friends, or family members for help. You’ll be glad you did.
What if its too hard to ask for help?
If you’re finding it hard to ask for help, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this issue, particularly when it comes to asking for help from their partner. The good news is that there are a few things you can do to make it easier.
First, try to remember that everyone needs help from time to time. No one is perfect, and everyone has areas in which they could use some assistance. Second, focus on the benefits of asking for help. Asking for help shows that you’re willing to learn and grow, and it can also lead to a stronger relationship with the person you’re asking.
Finally, don’t be afraid to be direct. Sometimes the best way to ask for help is simply to say “I need your help”. Asking for help will move you closer to a happy life.
3 Tips on how to better reach out for help
- Be specific – Instead of saying “I need help”, be specific about what you need. This will make it easier for your loved ones to know exactly what you need from them.
- Be authentic – Don’t be afraid to let your loved ones see how overwhelmed or exhausted you are. They want to help, so let them!
- Make yourself heard – We can’t read each other’s minds and what seems obvious to us might not be so for others. If you want help with something, make yourself heard.
#11 Let Go Of Unrealistic Goals.
As any mom knows, there is always a lot to do and never enough time to do it all. It’s easy to fall into the trap of setting unrealistic goals for yourself, thinking that you need to be able to do everything in order to be a good mom.
However, this can lead to feelings of failure and anxiety, especially when you don’t meet your own high standards. Instead, it’s important to focus on setting realistic goals that you can actually achieve.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t strive to be the best mom you can be, but it does mean that you need to give yourself grace when you don’t meet your impossible standards. After all, being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect. It just means doing the best you can that day.
You can’t do it all alone
There’s no denying that the modern mama has a lot on her plate. Between work, school, keeping the house in order, and managing a social life, it can be tough to keep up. On top of all of that, many women feel pressure to maintain a perfect online persona.
The mental load of all these expectations can be unbearable. If you’re finding yourself feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to take a step back and reassess your priorities.
Figure out what you can realistically manage and let go of any unrealistic goals. If you want to get more done, delegate some of the work to others. And most importantly, remember that your mental health matters.
Making time for yourself is essential for maintaining your well-being. Hi
3 tips for setting realistic goals
- Think small (not big) – Set goals for small things in your life that make a big difference collectively. Like having one extra cup of water in the morning, or spending 5 minutes with your self care planner.
- Have clarity on your values – stop stressing over what others are doing really well and focus on what would be good for you personally.
- Focus on your why – Keep your goals in perspective by understanding your motives behind them. When you know your why, it’ll be easier to stay motivated when things get tough.
Find Happiness Wherever You Are
I hope that you’ll find these tips helpful in combating the negative self-talk and comparisonitis that can so easily creep into our lives as mothers. There is no such thing as the perfect mom, so give yourself compassion wherever you are in life.
Remember, lowering your expectations does not mean having a less happy life – you are just as good a mom whether or not you make homemade organic baby food from scratch (or choose to buy it instead).
Take care of yourself, and don’t feel guilty about it! Find a friend who will listen without judgment or criticism, and believe in yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all anyone can ask for. Here’s to letting go and being happy, mama!
To help you along the way, we’ve created some free affirmation cards for download. Print them out and keep them somewhere you’ll see them often, or save them on your phone for when you need a boost.
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