You just can’t stop the yelling when your toddler doesn’t listen.
Are you working REALLY HARD trying to create a well behaved toddler? The sense of satisfaction when others compliment your little one is endless. All any parent wants is for their child to be successful in life, whatever shape of form that takes. We feel the pressure to get them there but right now, you can’t even get your toddler to follow basic requests without yelling NOOOOOO or have epic meltdowns.
All of a sudden you envision this 2yo as a 20yo on the floor raging and yelling because they didn’t get what they wanted right away. You freak out and worry you have created a monster. Your spiraling takes you to the only way to QUICKLY curb the behavior and you YELL.
Your toddler stops and becomes silent. They give you the stare. The tension in the room is high. Now you are doubting yourself and all your life choices up to this point.
Isn’t there another way without yelling?
Yes there is! As parents we need to remember that our children look up to us. To them we are the example of how to behave in various situations. It’s only normal that if they see you yell when things don’t go YOUR way, they will start to yell too. Stopping the habit of yelling can be easier said than done. How do you stop the urge to yell when push comes to shove and your in the heat of the moment?
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Follow these 7 Easy Steps to Curb your Urge to Yell.
Understand Basic Brain Function
What happens in the brain when we get upset. What triggers it. If you understand that there’s more going on in their brain than simply not wanting to listen to you it will be easier to stay calm.
There are 4 books in particular helped construct my understanding of our toddler Luca’s behavior (like us on facebook to receive the list below). Now when he has big emotions I am able to better assist him while remaining gentle and collected. If you haven’t read these books I HIGHLY recommend you get them now. I like listening to them in form of audiobooks.
Like us on Facebook to unlock the 4 Best Books on Gentle Parenting
Is It Necessary?
Ask yourself if it’s really that important that they follow your instruction. We can easily get frustrated when our toddler won’t follow along. Remembering that their wants for the day are equally important as yours. If it’s safety related you should pick them up or take the object from them. Don’t ask for cooperation in the heat of the moment.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Their main job at this age is to explore explore explore in order to learn their world. Part of that is experimenting in social settings which includes pushing boundaries. They should be defying you and they are studying how you are reacting. You can show them you disagree with their actions without yelling or getting worked up.
Lower Your Expectations
Their brain is still underdeveloped. Although we are all born with our distinct personalities, many “unwanted” toddler behaviors such as ignoring, meltdowns, picky eating and hitting are NORMAL for little ones. You should still stop your toddler from hitting by blocking their hand while explaining that you can’t let them hit you. Being assertive without loosing your cool can can be done. It just takes practice.
Why are their actions triggering YOU? Often we have pre-determined ideas of how it should be. These are often “rules” you learned growing up. Your family history might be hindering you from being present with your toddler. Try rethinking the rules and meet your toddler at their level.
Stop Them Before You Get Too Mad
Sometimes (maybe always) your toddler is doing something you’ve asked them to avoid. Like throwing a ball repeatedly against the wall. If they are not listening remove your toddler from the situation. Although toddlers have the best of intentions, they sometimes are just not able to listen. This often happens if their fuel tank is low. Physically removing them is the best alternative. Do this early on though! If you give too many warnings it will be harder to keep your cool.