How To Stop The Mom To-Do List Overwhelm

How To Stop The Mom To-Do List Overwhelm

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Moms are exhausted, that is a fact. People are talking about it more and more which will have positive repercussions and result in opportunities for change.

We are still far from long-term solutions though, but one by one we moms can rewrite our role in society. We can be intentional in order to stop the mom to-do list overwhelm.

Why Do Mom’s Feel Overwhelmed?

If you are here, most likely you’re searching for change. Your life is adding up to a level of exhaustion you never experienced pre-baby, yet you can’t put your finger on exactly why that is.

I was there too, wondering if I was doing it wrong. Why it’s so difficult to do all those things everyone seems to have figured out. (Only that no one really has.)

The reason moms feel so overwhelmed is that they are expected to do too much. There just isn’t enough hours in a day or enough energy to expend on all tasks mom-role.

I am talking about the mental load of motherhood. It’s all those things you feel obligated to remember in order for the family to function as expected. It’s the doctor appointments, birthdays, meal planning, clothing shopping, home cleaning, car maintenance, bill payments, and more.

It is a lot, and if you live with a partner, you should not put that weight on your shoulders alone. There is a solution to your mom to-do list overwhelm, and I am going to share it with you here.

What To Do When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed As A Mom

Women are conditioned by society to be the caretakers and put their own needs aside. This is why women often are the default when it comes to carrying the mental load of the family. It is very easy to carry this weight without noticing, but once you realize all the unpaid work you do at home, it will be easier to shift away from potential burnout.

–>Mom Burnout Symptoms To Look Out For + Free Checklist<–

Follow these 3 steps to overcome your mom to-do list overwhelm:

  1. Recognize there is a problem
  2. Write down your mental to-do list on paper
  3. Delegate the list between you and your partner

Stop being the CEO of the family and start sharing those responsibilities with your partner.

This checklist will help you put into writing your mental lists and includes 6 main categories for families living with toddlers.

Share the weight of motherhood with your spouse and start enjoying your life again.

    It is really important to write down this list and talk to your partner about it. This is the only way to relieve that mental load and start feeling lighter again! Talking about the invisible labor will make it visible.

    If approaching your partner right off the bat feels intimidating, a great mini first step is to practice prioritizing yourself in daily settings.

    Examples of small actions you can take for yourself:

    • say no to people if you don’t feel like doing something (without guilt).
    • allow yourself a morning/evening routine (that is just for you).
    • make a meal based on what YOU like.
    • write down activities you enjoy doing.
    • take breaks from parenting when possible (everyone deserves it)

    As you build your self-esteem, sharing the mom’s to-do list with your partner will feel more natural. This is not a quick fix to your life, instead, it’s an opportunity to make small changes that reinforce your value in the home.

    Using positive affirmations is a great way to get yourself in the right mindset to prioritize yourself.

    Daily affirmations for moms-small

    How To Organize Your Mom To-Do List On Paper

    Part of the overwhelm is that you have a really long list in your mind. Until you put it down on paper, it will be hard to organize it and step away from that weight. Don’t let your perfectionist mindset stop you from starting, writing down the whole architecture of the family’s needs will need several drafts.

    You can use this free worksheet to follow along and get your mom’s to-do list under control!

    Step1. Brain Dump

    Take a piece of paper and mind dump everything as it comes up. School, Vacations, Money, Food, Cleaning etc. I recommend some bubble mapping (you can see my version down below).

    Step2. Major Categories

    Find Major headings in which most lists fall under. This will be easy once a full mind dump has been done. Under each heading, write subheadings that relate to that list. Remember it won’t be perfect at first, but starting is so important.

    A few examples just related to kids are:

    • Daily Routine
    • Medical
    • Seasonal
    • Child Care
    • Weekends
    • Meals

    Step3. Full List + Expectations

    Expand each list on a separate page. Write down every important thing that happens and then add minimum expectations for that list. Minimum expectations is important so that everyone is on the same page of what it means to successfully fulfill that task.

    It can be a good idea to write these pages together with your partner. During this conversation talk about expectations and who the parent in charge will be. Write it down!

    How To Have The Mental Load Conversation

    It is time to have a conversation with your partner. Here are a few phrases you can use to open the dialogue. It is not uncommon for the other partner to feel defensive, but that does not mean that the conversation doesn’t need to happen. Here are a few example phrases you can use:

    Phrase idea 1.

    “Although I know you do a lot for this family, I have realized that I am the default caretaker for our child and it is starting to become too much for me. I’d really like it if we can better share the responsibilities as there is a lot I need to keep track of, which makes it more than what meets the eye. I have written down everything I do to keep our child’s life running smoothly. Let me show you…”

    Phrase idea 2.

    “I have been feeling exhausted a lot and came across an article on Mental Load. It is basically the mental to-do list that people carry in their head and ensures everything gets done around them. I have realized that I carry all the mental responsibilities for the care of our child. It’s no one’s fault that it happened this way, but I’d really appreciate it if we can sit down and I show you how much I am doing. Maybe then we can talk about rearranging some of those responsibilities”.

    You Don’t Have To Be A Martyr

    Motherhood can feel very hard, and expectations from society definitely don’t help relieve the pressure. If you are feeling like the weight of your mom to-do list is dragging you down. It is time for a change. Stop being a martyr because you too deserve to enjoy your life.

    Stop being the CEO of the family and start sharing those responsibilities with your partner.

    This checklist will help you put into writing your mental lists and includes 6 main categories for families living with toddlers.

    Share the weight of motherhood with your spouse and start enjoying your life again.

      Share with a Friend!