We all get mad sometimes and lose our calm, but if it happens too often it can negatively affect our relationships at home. If you are worried about loosing your calm too often, continue reading to stop feeling like a mean mom. (the gentle parenting edition).
I got mad at my toddler yesterday and with all honesty I can say that I was being a mean mom. I didn’t yell, take away affection or make him cry, however my actions were based on anger and I had lost control. My toddler might have started the storm, but the hurricane now had its own identity and he was stuck in its forces.
What Causes Mom Rage
Mom Rage happens when we are running on low and often is a sign of upcoming burnout. When we feel tired or stressed our brain signals that we are in danger. This starts a process where our flight/fight reflexes kick in which unfortunately cuts off our ability to reason properly.
How we act in this time is often associated with our childhood, specifically how our parents managed stress themselves. You are very likely to embody learned behaviors which can be difficult to break.
A few reasons you might be feeling mom rage:
- You feel close to burn out as a parent.
- Not fully understanding your child’s unwanted behaviors.
- Struggling to self regulate as an adult
- Having unrealistic expectations for your child’s age.
5 Gentle Parenting Tips To Stop Being A Mean Mom
Gentle parenting has truly helped me become a happier mom. The main reason is that Gentle Parenting takes into account your child’s developmental abilities based on age. It also acknowledges that all children are different, so understanding your child’s specific needs is really important.
This parenting philosophy teaches parents how to productively manage a confrontation with their children, and how to hold boundaries without using fear or shame. When you know how to react in moments of friction with your little ones, it will be easier to stop being a mean mom.
You might also be interested in:
- What is Gentle Parenting? Why Gentle is Easier
- 11 Healthy Habits for your Toddler’s Emotional well-being
- How To Deal With Toddler Temper Tantrums – Gentle Parenting Guide
Here are 5 Gentle Parenting Tips to taper down the anger and feel happier with your kids.
#1 Physically stop your children before you lose your calm.
Sometimes our little ones just can’t stop the unwanted behavior. If they continue after you’ve asked them once to stop, it’s better to remove them from the situation rather than continuing to ask. You will eventually lose your cool and say or act in ways you’ll later come to regret.
#2 Tell them what they should do, instead of what they should not.
I need to catch myself here all the time. Telling your kid what NOT to do will get them to just focus on that activity. If you tell them to not touch the TV screen, all they can think of is to touch the TV.
Instead, if you say, “keep your hand in safe places”, it will have them thinking of safe places for their hands, removing the focus on the TV.
Saying what they can do also adds a more positive tone while getting the same outcome out of the conversation.
#3 Incorporate self care into your daily routine
It’s the small daily actions that add up to meaningful well-being. We all love ourselves a spa day, but if you can identify smaller actions you can do to fill your cup daily, it will have a larger impact.
Personally, I make sure to shower every morning, take time to sit down and have my coffee. I also practice yoga a few times a week. It’s a work in progress for me too, but when I follow through I can feel myself being more patient with my loved ones. Saying no to others is also a form of self-care and can increase your sense of self-worth.
#4 Use the mantra “they are not giving me a hard time, they are having a hard time”
If you see your child as struggling, rather than being disrespectful or careless, it can re-frame the situation and change that anger to understanding.
Your kiddo is having a hard time and they need you to teach them how to act in those situations. Think of it as an opportunity for growth, rather than a moment to avoid. (I know easier said than done. But you will surprise yourself how many times this mindset can ease those nerves!)
#5 Spend time connecting with your children
We talk a lot about how parents need date nights to connect and strengthen their relationship, but we need the same with our children too. The more 1:1 you have with each child, the more loved both of you will feel. When a relationship is based on a positive foundation, the negative thoughts that trigger mom rage will show their ugly face less often.
–>use this bundle to connect daily with your child and lose the mean mom vibe.<–
How Does An Angry Parent Affect A Child
Just like you have stress responses similar to that of your parents, your child will develop attitudes that are most familiar to them.
If there is a lot of yelling in the home, they will probably continue that trend when becoming adults. If you never talk about feelings or discuss difficult emotions with your child, it will be less likely for them to do differently in future relationships.
Each child will be affected differently by living with an angry parent, but overall their self-esteem and self-worth might end up not being very strong. This can lead to them not fully taking advantage of opportunities or feeling unworthy of good things that come their way.
Also, children who grow up with parents who act unfairly towards them might enter relationships where they are continued to be treated unfairly.
Not All Mean in Bad
Don’t start worrying right away that you’ve done harm to your child. You are being too hard on yourself. Getting upset or acting unfairly sometimes with our children does not make a mean mom. It makes us human. Once you’ve come to your senses, apologize to your little one and let them know that it was not right of you.
What constitutes mean for some, might be good or tough love parenting for others. As long as you are being respectful of your child’s integrity, setting boundaries that you might feel make you mean are often required.
If you find yourself losing your temper too much with your children, it is time to stop being a mean mom. If you are struggling, use these 5 Gentle Parenting Tips to start.
Love reading? Check out my 5 favorite Gentle Parenting books for toddlers!
Get insider knowledge on why your toddler’s behavior is so irrational sometimes– and step by step ideas on making parenting easier.
This Value Packed Bundle Includes:
- 5 Steps To Being A More Gentle Parent
- 10 Mindset Shifts To Reconnect With Your Toddler
- Parent’s Guide To Defusing Meltdowns
- 5 Parenting Books That Changed My Life
plus receive a FREE audio book with an audile trial link enclosed
ps. you might still cry in the bathroom sometimes, but after using this resource it will be easier to bounce back on your feet!
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