11 Reasons Why Spanking Does Not Work- And What To Do Instead

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Parents, it’s time to break away from the belief that spanking a child is a form of parenting. It is abusive, leads to mental health issues, and in some cases death. We have a long history of spanking as a form of parenting in our history, but that does not mean that it’s the right thing to do. Now that we have so much more access to information, let’s use it for good.

The research has been done, why not take action? In this blog post, we will explore why corporal punishment doesn’t work. Instead, it leads to more violence and only short-term effects. Also, how you can change your mindset on being a parent from control-oriented to guidance-oriented.

#1 Spanking Does Not Teach Children What They Should Do Instead

A big misconception in parenting is that to set boundaries, you need to focus on what they can’t do. We have all found ourselves saying no, no, no a bit too much. Instead, think of what your child can do so they know exactly the yes’s. This is why spanking doesn’t work – it only focuses on the negative.

Examples of rephrasing:

1. Don’t climb on the couch! -Instead try, our behinds need to stay on the cushions.
2. Stop hitting your brother! – Instead try, hands are for playing, not hurting
3. I told you to stop playing in my bag! – Instead try, I see you like playing in bags, here is one you can use instead of mine.

Spanking a child does not help them learn how to behave in our world. It only teaches them that the world is scary and unpredictable. The reality is that children need guidance, support, and understanding.

Spanking doesn’t teach positive behavior or how to be safe in the world. Why would you do this when there are so many other effective ways of parenting? (answer: lack of understanding)

You might also like:

• 8 Blog Posts to Help Moms Practice Gentle Parenting with Their Toddlers
• 7 Best Gentle Parenting Books To Help With Your Stubborn Toddler
• 7 Ways to Stop Yelling At The Kids

#2 Spanking Can Lead To Increased Aggression In The Future, Especially If The Child Was Already Violent Before Spanking

Children who experience being spanked will most likely act out in a violent manner themselves when they reach adulthood. It is was is learned. If a child sees their parents using violence when upset, it’s natural they would too.

A study published in the NBCI found a link between spanking and adult violence. Parents who were spanked as children were more likely to act violently towards their own children. Parents who were not spanked instead were generally less violent. In fact, they were also more likely to use corporal punishment themselves. So not only does spanking not work, it actually teaches children the wrong way to behave.

Instead of spanking, let them feel their big emotions at the moment. Later on, when they are calmer, you can have your “teachable moment”. This is where you talk about how things could be different next time.

–>Learn How To Set Boundaries Efficiently With Your Child<–

#3 The Effects Of Spanking Are Temporary And Will Only Last For A Few Minutes After The Punishment Is Over

Spanking is effective short-term because it relies on the shock value of pain to stop unwanted behavior. But, it wears off quickly and the child is right back to their old behaviors within minutes. If you want your child to make the right decisions out of a place of genuine care, they need to understand why something is preferred rather than the other. Fear as a motivator for good is not enough.

This means that spanking is not only ineffective long-term, but it’s also dangerous. The reason is, it can escalate into more severe forms of punishment very easily. Basically, the gateway “drug” that ruins the relationship the more it happens.

If you’re looking for a way to discipline your child but feel lost read on here. When the only resource you have is hitting, then it’s time to educate yourself on other forms of parenting methods.

–->You can start by reading about Gentle Parenting<–

#4 It’s Ineffective Because Spanking Doesn’t Change Behavior, It Just Stops That Particular Instance

When you spank a child, it’s usually in response to unwanted behavior. However, the spanking does not change the underlying reason why the child is behaving that way in the first place.

A study done by the American Psychological Association found that corporal punishment was actually less effective than positive reinforcement techniques at changing children’s behavior.

Children are less likely to start behaving if they get used to being hit. Instead of violence, it’s important to teach why their behaviors are wrong in the first place.

–> So why not try something different? Gentle Parenting is a fantastic approach that helps children understand why their boundaries exist and how to be better behaved! <–

#5 There Are So Many More Efficient Ways To Parent Your Child Without Resorting To Physical Violence

When you spank a child, it’s usually because you feel like you have run out of other options. Spanking does appear to have an effect at the moment, but the behavior will continue. As the child gets older, spanking will stop becoming possible and you’ll find yourself with a teenager you can’t communicate with.

It doesn’t have to be this way. If you choose to follow some of the other parenting styles that don’t use violence it can improve your child’s life (and yours) tenfold.

A few popular parenting styles:

• Gentle Parenting
• Positive Parenting
• Attachment Parenting

They all rely on changing your child’s behavior without relying on pain or fear.

These parenting styles fall under Authoritative Parenting. They have some variations but all include positive reinforcement, natural consequences, setting age-appropriate boundaries, and time-in’s (different from time-outs).

#6 Spanking Breaks The Bond Of Trust Between Parent And Child

The trust between a parent and child is one of the most important relationships a child will ever have. When this bond is broken, it can be very difficult to repair. It leads to childhood trauma which can takes years of therapy to resolve.

Spanking sends the message that the parent is not trustworthy or capable of handling difficult situations without resorting to violence. This can damage the parent-child relationship for years to come. It also has an impact on your children’s future relationships as they grow up.

When spanking becomes the norm in a family dynamic, children learn that violence is acceptable. They learn that it’s the way to exert your control over others. This can lead to a cycle of violence which is just the opposite of the desired behavior of our children.

#7 The Family Home Should Be A Safe Space, Spanking Ruins That

Children should be able to feel safe and comfortable in their own homes. Spanking makes the family dynamic hostile and damaging, which is why it’s so important to stop spanking immediately.

The world is a big and uncertain place, especially for children. They need a home that feels like a haven which keeps them safe from the outside. It should be a place where they can let their guard down and let their nervous system rest. When spanking, they need to keep their guard up at home too.

So if you are spanking your child, know there are so many reasons why choosing other forms of consequences can help nurture your child. Consequences are important, but they should get children to feel safe with you, not scared.

–>If you’re interested in learning why gentle parenting methods work better than spanking read here<–

#8 Spanking Is Shown To Worsen Undesired Behavior In Children

In addition to not changing the underlying behavior, spanking is also shown to worsen the undesired behavior in children. Spaking will make anyone feel bad about themself, and children are no different.

An unhealthy attitude to parenting will make a child feel misunderstood and frustrated. They already don’t know how to properly manage their big feelings, and need a proper outlet. If we leave children to their own devices, these are two feelings often linked to misbehavior.

According to a study by the University of Texas, spanking children has an impact on their mood even more so than the surrounding environment. This means that spanking has long-term negative effects on the wellbeing of your child, even if they otherwise have a relatively comfortable childhood.

#9 Spankings Do Not Teach Children Why They Should Stop Doing Something

Spanking does not teach children why what they’re doing is wrong, how the rule came about in the first place, or how to avoid repeating this conduct in the future. All it teaches them is to avoid doing those things in front of YOU.

This makes sense when you think about it, if being hit doesn’t help the child understand the reason behind the rule, their inquisitive nature will push them to do it again. The only difference, they’ll get better at hiding it.

Additionally, they will avoid telling you when they do get in trouble which will lead to bigger problems down the line. Such as lying about grades, where they are going at night or whether they are having a hard time in general.

So if you want your child to behave from a place of understanding, talk to them with age-appropriate vocabulary and hold the boundary firm consistently until they get the message. Np spanking needed.

–>Learn more about how to be non-violent even when you feel angry<–

#10 It’s A Form Of Abuse That Can Have Long-Term Mental Health Effects On The Child

Spanking is a form of abuse for the child, plain and simple. It can have long-term mental health effects on them as well as other issues later in life.

When spankings are used frequently to “correct” behavior it will lead children to develop feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, anger towards themselves or society, insecurity, and a lack of trust.

All of these feelings can persist into adulthood and have an impact on all aspects of their lives, from personal relationships to professional achievements.

If you’re experiencing any of these difficulties in your life, it’s possible that spanking was a factor – why not talk to someone about it? There are people who care about you and want to help. Therapy can change your life for the better!

#11 Physical Violence Towards Your Child Can Ruin Their Self-Image

Lastly, spanking can ruin your child’s self-image. This is because physical violence towards someone is always degrading, no matter what the circumstance.

It sends the message that you are not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. It says that your worth as a person is only based on how well you behave according to somebody else’s standards.

Spanking can also be linked to depression and anxiety, which is why it’s so important to break the cycle of violence with your child, no matter how difficult they make it for you.

–>If you’re interested in learning why gentle parenting methods work better read here <–

Free Gentle Parenting Resources For You!

If you’re still spanking your child, I implore you to stop. Spanking is a form of physical violence that teaches children it’s okay for people in power positions to do whatever they want without consequence.

There are so many other more effective parenting techniques and strategies available today – all of which will help teach your child how to be respectful as well as resilient.

For those parents who have been struggling with gentle parenting try some free resources here or download our printable on gentle parenting basics!

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